me: *ringing up 85 boxes of chocolate*
cashier : haha getting ready for Halloween are we?
_alyssa0911 / Via twitter.com
The Halloween knock-off costume names are so good
shutupmikeginn / Via twitter.com
Idea for haunted house: dimly lit grocery store sprinkled with people you haven’t talked to since high school
PaperWash / Via twitter.com
Her: You didn’t come to my Halloween party!
Me: Yes I did
Her: No, what were you?
Me: A ninja
Her: I didn’t see you
Me: Like I said “ninja”
thatUPSdude / Via twitter.com
Ah yes, halloween. the scary day. the day when everything is terrifying. unlike the other normal days of this year . . .
pgpfineart / Via twitter.com
If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die
hodgesboi15 / Via twitter.com
*paying $40 to go into a haunted house*
finally a peaceful refuge to get away from how scary the world is right now
jonnysun / Via twitter.com
Me on halloween vs me the rest of the year
holidayfeels / Via twitter.com
They should make halloween albums like they do for Christmas. I’d love to hear a Michael Bublé version of Monster Mash.
jessokfine / Via twitter.com
If you really want to scare everyone this Halloween, dress up as intimacy.
trevso_electric / Via twitter.com
Skeletons are a weird costume cuz you already got one of those in your body you’re pretty much a bone oreo with skin frosting dude
Hadzilla / Via twitter.com
New haunted house idea: it’s a single room, but all the actors are sleeping moms, and on a pedestal in the middle is one of these you must open before you can leave
sonicmega / Via twitter.com
The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I’m dressed as half of a horse.
robfee / Via twitter.com
The best part about Halloween is seeing people in costume doing normal sh*t. Just saw a Dracula standing by a car eating potato chips.
tastefactory / Via twitter.com
Cashier: “Look at all this candy! You’re going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween”
Me: “It’s Halloween?”
FullGrownChris / Via twitter.com
What’s a good Halloween costume that doesn’t require makeup and isn’t uncomfortable and is my regular clothes?
bazecraze / Via twitter.com
Halloween is just a scam by Big Cobweb to sell more big cobwebs.
ChaseMit / Via twitter.com
Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I’m going to be for the rest of my life.
9GAG / Via twitter.com
me: I think I’m gonna throw a halloween party
mom: oh good I’ll get my coffins out of storage
ArianaGrande / Via twitter.com
ME: wow nice costume
COP: step out of the car sir
fro_vo / Via twitter.com
Him: Why are the lights out? Are u avoiding trick or treaters?
Me (Peeling a Snickers bar by the light of my iPhone): Exactly.
sixfootcandy / Via twitter.com
[The First Halloween: October 31, 17 A.D.]
KID: I’m hungry
DAD: Go ask the neighbour for food
TheToddWilliams / Via twitter.com