Bartender: I’m cutting you off. only water from now on
Jesus: [sarcastically] oh no
AbbieEvansXO / Via twitter.com

[God creating the ocean]
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
pentyfuma / Via twitter.com


cutefrosting / Via tumblr.com


2wn / Via tumblr.com


setheverman / Via tumblr.com


koinohnia / Via tumblr.com

[God creating cheesecake]
GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good
ANGEL: shouldn’t u share it?
GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]
shutupthatswho / Via twitter.com

Me: So Christ’s body is the bread?
Priest: yes
Me: and he rose from the grave
Priest: yes…
Me: because of the yeast?
Priest: no
Me: okay, none of this makes sense
Megatronic13 / Via twitter.com


kalvinmacleod / Via twitter.com

I’ll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like “Damn, that name’s way cooler.”
elleohhell / Via twitter.com


meaninglessmonicker / Via tumblr.com


endhoos / Via twitter.com

GOD: there, my first animal :)
SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move?
G:like this*shimmies*
G:just kinda*shimmies*
thetits / Via twitter.com


stephdamen / Via tumblr.com


peetasallhehasleft / Via tumblr.com


Lancewastaken / Via reddit.com

Jesus must’ve hated that his birthday fell so close to christmas
meganamram / Via twitter.com


huntigula / Via twitter.com

Judas: still on for Friday?
Jesus: Friday?
Judas: yeah, the last supper
Jesus: the what?
Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas
david8hughes / Via twitter.com

Jesus: this jesus bread is my body
Disciples: *nodding*
Jesus: this jesus wine is my blood.
Disciples: *clapping*
Jesus: this jesus fish is a sweet decal for your bumper
Disciples: *just losing their sh*t*
nyquills / Via twitter.com


maxiesatanofficial / Via tumblr.com

Via buzzfeed, Preview photo credit: Lancewastaken / reddit.com