Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
minsookim1398 / Via reddit.com

When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic
relativedimensions / Via reddit.com

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
PepperClover / Via reddit.com

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work

The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
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“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
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Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea

A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending
Farbegn / Via reddit.com

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine

She had a photographic memory but never developed it
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Via BoredPanda, Preview photo credit: relativedimensions / reddit.com