waitress: i’m sorry your food is taking so long!
me: *presses forehead against hers* listen to me. i know it’s not your fault. i love you. i am tipping you 80%.
nintendoesnt / Via twitter.com

*at a restaurant with a baby*
separate checks please
garyfromteenmom / Via twitter.com

My daughter said her English class requires 1,000 pages of summer reading so we went to The Cheesecake Factory and I handed her a menu
daemonic3 / Via twitter.com

torn between getting chinese food for dinner and just fu*king dying
FeelingEuphoric / Via twitter.com

[ordering from the dollar menu]
me: hi i’ll have 7 dollars please
clichedout / Via twitter.com

BEFORE HAVING KIDS: “I am NEVER making separate meals for my children”
4 YEARS LATER: “Let me repeat your order: tri-color pasta (al dente) with butter & cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt two ways, Cheez-Its.”
bretjturner / Via twitter.com

I went through the chick fil a drive through bawling and the girl asked me if I wanted a chocolate or vanilla milkshake. And I was like no I ordered a sweet tea and she goes “no honey you need a milkshake”
Service: unmatched
remigiomia / Via twitter.com

me: hello… yes, one salad please
salad person: of course.. your total is $17.82
me: yes.. and .. that seems perfect and normal.. may i have a drink?
salad person: yes.. and.. your total is now $23.88
me: yes and thank you very much this is reasonable and great
adubjose / Via twitter.com

Parmesan Sir?
“Yes please”
Say when.
*Grates Parmesan*
*Grates fingers*
*Grates entire hand*
Please…I have a family.
EndhooS / Via twitter.com


annaesilman / Via twitter.com

EMPLOYEE: can i take your order?
ME: yes, thank you for asking
EMPLOYEE: my pleasure
ME: and thank you for saying it was your pleasure
EMPLOYEE: please don’t do this
ME: oh i’m just getting started
panmidwest / Via twitter.com


joshgondelman / Via twitter.com

me: Can you swing by Taco Bell? guy driving the ambulance:
iwearaonesie / Via twitter.com

waiter, there’s a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup
davedittell / Via twitter.com

I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I’m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
4anno / Via twitter.com

me @ $2 sandwich: It’s affordable but is it filling? If it’s filling, will it provide me with enough satisfaction? What is the nutritional value of this…? Maybe I should save my money… me @ $4.75 coffee: mmm cofy
ggleivy / Via twitter.com

Whoever thought of appetizers was literally like “we should pregame this food w more food” and I think that’s really beautiful
unofficialemba / Via twitter.com


trashaneel / Via twitter.com


jessnpadron / Via twitter.com

Waiter: and for you?
Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas
notacroc / Via twitter.com

me: i’d like to make a reservation for 2 at 6:00 pm
employee: sir, this is a McDonald’s
me: oh my bad. i’d like a McReservation for 2 at 6:00 pm
employee: perfect, see you then
captainkalvis / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: jessnpadron / twitter.com