We rounded up some of the funniest recent mom tweets we could find, and they prove that you can always count on moms to keep it all the way real:

I’m tired of hearing new moms always say their baby is “such a good baby.” Just once, I wanna hear a mom be like, “Yeah, no, my baby’s a real di*k.”
copymama / Via twitter.com

Hi, i’m a mom. You might know me from some of my Greatest Hits like “I thought your game was cancelled”, “please don’t fart on your sister”, “why are there dirty socks in the refrigerator” and “I’ve clearly failed as a mother, just wait until your father gets home”
YourMomsucksTho / Via twitter.com

I used to think moms who walked around with wet hair needed to “get it together”. Now I know the truth. They were bragging
GenYMama / Via twitter.com

You can’t take your kids somewhere, spend money on them, and expect them to have a good time. That’s not how it works.
Lhlodder / Via twitter.com

It is a well-known parenting fact that a toddler’s overwhelming desire to “do something themselves” is directly proportional to the number of minutes you are running late.
gfishandnuggets / Via twitter.com

Honestly babies are so lazy like hold up your own head Charles, you have literally nothing else to do.
Beccnicole / Via twitter.com

Me: [struggling with 4 kids at grocery store]
Lady: you have your hands full
Me: the little one is great with cats
Lady: what?
Me: you can take one
Lady: *nervous laugh*
Me: they love old people
Lady: *walking away*
Me: take one, please!
BunAndLeggings / Via twitter.com

Happy Friday to everyone except the guy that invented toys that turn on in the middle of the night.
saltymamas / Via twitter.com

Have kids, so someone can ask you to cut up their bagel, and then ask you to put it back together.
OhioMomoftwo / Via twitter.com

My kids’ favorite place to go shopping for toys is in the pile I just set aside for goodwill.
LurkAtHomeMom / Via twitter.com

One of my kids licked all the Everything off an Everything Bagel and stuck it back in the package and this is why parents can’t ever have nice things
ValeeGrrl / Via twitter.com

Him: toddlers have so much fun with water tables, wouldn’t it be fun to have an adult water table?
Me: *glances at the kitchen sink and cries a little*
Pork_Chop_Hair / Via twitter.com

My kids needing to be fed is keeping me from living my best life.
com3t0think0fit / Via twitter.com

I had to cough but my kids were sleeping so I literally just choked on my own saliva because apparently I choose dying over accidentally waking them up.
Lhlodder / Via twitter.com

Me: *breathing*
Tween daughter: God, Mom, quit embarrassing me!
mommajessiec / Via twitter.com

Like, what happens if I slip and have a glass of wine or two during this 9-month sobriety challenge?
Obstetrician: First of all, it’s called “pregnancy.”
lmegordon / Via twitter.com

I just want to have the confidence of our 14 year old baby sitter when she tells us how much she charges an hour.
saltymamas / Via twitter.com

If you don’t kick your kid’s toy across the room after your trip on it, are you even a parent?
ihoplollipop / Via twitter.com

Me: Mommy just needs a little space right now.
Child [perched on top of my head]: Why?
LurkAtHomeMom / Via twitter.com

A mom just told her kids the park is closing so they would leave without throwing fits.
Another mom overheard and said, “Uh-oh, the park is closing! Gotta go!
So I said, “Everyone’s leaving! Let’s follow them out!”
We all winked at each other and got in our cars.
Lhlodder / Via twitter.com

Just heard the mom of a newborn tell her crying baby “it’s ok, we’re figuring it out… we’re just on day 8” and honestly I’m on day 3,654 and I’m still figuring it out.
SnarkyMommy78 / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: copymama / twitter.com