COURTESY OF WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
#1 Never count Mississippily when going for a tan. You will be an eight!
#2 Never wear leather pants on a first date.
#3 If you do wear leather pants, and they do get stuck, consider making yourself a pair of paste pants. Your date will never know the difference.
#4 “Paper, snow and ghost” are the only acceptable guesses in a game show.
#5 Never say the wrong name at your own wedding. It won’t be good for the marriage.
#6 It’s also a little silly to pretend you hate marriage when you’re about to propose. It might backfire.
#7 But it’s not OK to put beef in the trifle. It will not taste good.
#8 Don’t take the lottery tickets onto the balcony. Birds move quickly.
#9 “Gleba” is an actual word.
#10 “Transponster” isn’t.
#11 When moving a couch, you have to pivot.
#12 Lobsters mate for life.
#13 Don’t fall asleep and pretend that you’ve read 18 pages of a letter if you haven’t.
#14 It always helps to get inside the map when traveling.
#15 There is such a thing as identical hand twins.
#16 Don’t put your head inside a turkey. It will get stuck.
#17 It’s OK to hook up with your brother’s best friend. He might be the love of your life!
#18 It’s not OK to do this with your dad’s best friend. It won’t end well.
#19 All is fair in love, war, and wedding dresses. Whether that’s fighting for cheap ones, or sitting on the sofa wearing them.
#20 Spending money on a very expensive cat isn’t a good idea.
#21 There’s a dropper in every friendship group.
#22 It’s OK to get back with an ex if they’re the person you’ve loved since high school.
#23 Saying you rolled over the juice box can save a lot of embarrassment.
#24 A big plastic white dog is a pretty cool investment.
#25 The opposite of hiding someone’s clothes is wearing every piece of clothing they own.
#26 Real friendship is peeing on someone after they’ve been stung by a jellyfish.
#27 It’s never a good idea to hurry girls to get ready. You may need to drink some fat juice to apologize.
#28 Unagi is not something you are, it’s something you have.
#29 Saying you’re breezy totally negates the breezy.
#30 “L” is for life, for what is life without love?
#31 Leave high school dance routines in high school.
#32 Everyone needs to have a gracious loser face.
#33 It’s totally fine to eat cheesecake off the floor.
#34 But it’s NEVER fine to eat someone else’s sandwich.
#35 There’s no shame in buying something from Pottery Barn.
#36 There is also no shame in owning a stuffed animal, no matter how old you are.
#37 There is however, a lot of shame in fantasizing about your own cousin.
#38 There’s also a lot of shame in having a memorial for your own fake death.
#39 It’s OK to hunt for presents in case someone has gotten you something bad.
#40 Everyone loves the song “Baby Got Back,” even actual babies!
#41 If you ever teach a class, it’s probably best not to put on a fake British accent.
#42 Don’t get drunk in Vegas with an ex.
#43 You don’t put words in people’s mouths, you put turkey in people’s mouths!
#44 Be clear if you’re on a break or not.
#45 And always get off the plane if it doesn’t have a phalange.
Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: COURTESY OF WARNER BROS. TELEVISION