Today I overheard someone say, “P as in pneumonia”
brewingfire / Via twitter.com

Overheard conversation:
8 year old: “I’ve been a flower girl at 6 weddings.”
Friends: “What’s your secret?”
8YO: “I beg until they say yes.”
You’re on the right track to sales, kid.
SaporeDanielle / Via twitter.com

Dad joke overheard @ bar:
Dad 1: Do you have any holes in your socks?
Dad 2: *gasp* of course not!
Dad 1: Then how the hell did you get your feet in?
I lol’d
MaKaylaBrownn / Via twitter.com

A kid I overheard at the grocery store:
“I’m gonna get my brain taken out so I can just relax”
Same kid, same
NotoriousChlo / Via twitter.com

Overheard in the dining hall:
Kid: “Can i get a wrap?”
Server: “Ok lemme drop a beat”
Kid: “What??”
denver_snider / Via twitter.com

Overheard on the scanner: “The condition of the wiener dog is unknown but you can stand down.”
Dave_Dormer / Via twitter.com

Overheard in this coffe shop:
Guy: Can I get a coffee?
Barista:Sure that’ll be $2
Uhh I forgot my wallet, all I have is this $5 target gift card.
The barista looked him dead in the eyes&goes “Deal&I’ll give you a free refill” Officially moved to the barter system here
parksandlarks / Via twitter.com

Overheard at the Smithsonian today:
“I don’t get it. A mummy is just a wad a tissue paper. Whats the big deal?”
The guy at the Fossil Lab stops. Looks up. Shakes head. Looks down again at the mummy he’s working on.
HamsiniH / Via twitter.com

Overheard on r train: u gotta cry ugly because if u don’t there’s no passion
freudi4nipslip / Via twitter.com

Just overheard Darcy in her room say to her cat, “can’t believe I birthed this perfect angel”
Nikkitocash / Via twitter.com

“I need to finish school and take some time off cause I just half-ass everything, I don’t whole-ass anything.”
OverheardUnc / Via twitter.com

Overheard in west campus tonight: “sometimes we take shots of la croix but if we’re really feeling wild we’ll shotgun them”
ana_sobrino13 / Via twitter.com

Just overheard a college student say, “I can barely take care of me and my fish.” It’s good to know our limits.
ElleCayVee / Via twitter.com

Overheard: Man in a 7/11 pre-empting the cashier to clarify that he, in fact, walked in with his own banana and did not retrieve banana from the $2 banana basket
jennineak / Via twitter.com

I’m at Target and just overheard a mom tell her toddler, “Well, unfortunately, you’re human.” I don’t know the whole story, but SAME.
sarbadi / Via twitter.com

Overheard: A bunch of bros in Supreme gear walking through the hall of stuffed birds at the museum, “Bro do you think you could eat that egg?” “Idk man, it’s probably got a massive yolk.” “Aw hell yeah, massive yolk bro.”
adamillerrr / Via twitter.com

Overheard at breakfast…
Guy 1: “I like the musky smell of dead leaves.”
Guy 2: “Everything’s dying. It’s like a Shakespeare tragedy!”
parisa_anderson / Via twitter.com

I just overheard someone say “Ugh I can’t wait till Monday” and honestly that just goes to show some people were just not raised right
sass_yav / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: brewingfire / twitter