1. On love
me: where do you want to eat
her: olive garden
me: i love gardens too but we need to figure out where to eat

2. On priorities
My mom casually reached into her purse and offered me an Olive Garden breadstick like it was a fu*kin TicTac or some sh*t

3. On international relations


4. On the name itself
Me: “are your olives locally sourced?”
The waitress at Olive Garden:
Me: “what garden are you getting your olives from?”

5. On your future child
Me at 1 day pregnant: the baby wants olive garden

6. On different experiences
me: “I’m falling into a rut. I should eat somewhere different today. Somewhere new.”
*goes to a different Olive Garden than the one I usually go to*

7. On puns
[Olive Garden]
PATRON: there are so many types of pasta
WAITER: [required to say this] yes…*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless

8. On pleasure


9. On cheating the system
Prison guard: you may now choose your last meal before execution
Me: Olive Garden… unlimited breadsticks
Prison guard: sh*t.

10. On finding a new home
Olive Garden: We’ve replaced your family.

11. On entering new worlds
I ordered the Olive Garden “Bottomless Salad Bowl,” and it led me to Narnia.

12. On texting lingo
Is your child texting about Olive Garden? Here’s a quick guide to find out:
OG: Olive Garden
LMAO: love me an olive
LOL: lots of lasagna
ROFL: ravioli or flavorful linguine
BRB: breadsticks rock, bro
WTF: where’s the fettuccine
STFU: some tiramisu for us

13. On misunderstandings
Rock bottom in my life was probably when the waiter at Olive Garden said “soup or salad” and I said “what’s a super salad?”

14. On finding yourself


15. On rebranding
Went to all of garden earlier and it was amazing


16. On family
Olive Garden says they “treat you like family” but I been here 30 minutes and nobody has told me to shut the fu*k up.

17. On free wine samples
Woman working at michaels crafts said i looked familiar so i told her i come in a lot and she said “oh right you walk over from olive garden after free wine samples”

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: worldofcheerxo