If I lie down for 22 hours a day during my period and stay away from anyone with an opinion, it’s, like, pretty manageable.

I wish my PMS would manifest itself in a desire to clean rather than a desire to invent foods to put salsa on

I have my period so according to commercials I guess I should put in a tampon and go cycling now or something.

[me watching HGTV on my period]
I don’t even care if they love it or list it , i just hope they’re happy as a family

ive made myself a menstrual hut in the office
if you find it pls come by periodically to bring me snacks & then immediately leave me alone

Nurse: Name?
Me: Erica
Nurse: Drug allergies?
Me: Penicillin
Nurse: 1st day of last period?
Me: Umm…Can’t remember. Ask Dunkin Donuts.

I never wear white during my period because it’d be embarrassing if I got bloodstains from killing someone who asked if I’m on my period

when ur having period cramps but u gotta play it cool


I don’t need a period tracker app I just know it’s coming when I start masturbating to mall pretzels.

My doctor asked where I was in my menstrual cycle so I told her I’m on the ‘assuming everyone is mad at me’ day.

putting my overheating macbook charger on my stomach to help period cramps because I’m a modern woman

I get it, guy with a sweatshirt tied around your waist. You’re on your period too.

If I don’t eat chocolate during my period what will my new uterine lining be made of?

forgot butter and ran down to the market with no bra and period boobs and i get why people get reductions now

If you do absolutely anything at all while on your period you should be given a Nobel Prize and a mountain of the food of your choice.

I don’t need to check my period tracker. I just pointed at a squirrel and said, “You’re a beautiful fuckwad, you know that?”

I feel like my period is throwing a Project X-style rager inside me right now. Like its parents went away for the weekend & my uterus is lit

Please specify reason for your merchandise return:
-Too big
-Too small
-Wrong color

If you’ve never had period cramps, have you ever been stabbed repeatedly in the lower abdomen? It’s that but less fun.

things I’ve cried about on my period recently
1. a car’s sparkly paint job (reason: so PRETTY)
2. my dying plant (reason: i kill everything)

I wish that instead of apologizing, you could tell people “today is brought to you by my period”

My friend calls her period her “Aunt Flo.” I call mine “Fuck This Shit, I’m Getting Wasted And Eating Reese’s Pieces.”

Just talking makes my nipples hurt.

starting your period counts as half a day of work

Menstruation is a pretty metal adaptation. Like, no I don’t want to fuck right now. To further my point here’s some BLOOD.

a lot of women hate getting their period and I don’t know why. I personally love laying on the couch eating chocolate and praying for death