#1 This person who loves pizza:

girls on tinder will say “your parents will love me but your neighbors won’t” like what are you gonna do? start mowing at 7am on a saturday??

— logan (@brainwxrms) September 19, 2019

#2

ah i seeeee i thought when you said you wanted to start a family it was understood i would be the baby

— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) June 14, 2013

#3

pebbut / Via twitter.com

#4

elle91 / Via twitter.com

#5

kibblesmith / Via twitter.com

#6

Who the fu*k call laundry sauce 'detergent'? Ok mr scientist lmao

— Truckstop Vigilante (@BRENTHOR) September 14, 2016

#7

Old publicity photos of nsync always make them look like Guy Fieri's five sons pic.twitter.com/RaUq1V4cBc

— chris wade (@saywhatagain) February 20, 2017

#8

One time I saw a video of a guy holding up a sign that said "I love you Stevie" at a Stevie Wonder concert. I think about this a lot.

— [crying in spanish] (@SortaBad) April 26, 2016

#9

GORDON RAMSAY: what the fu*k is that
ME: it's a banana just a normal banana to eat
GORDON RAMSAY: fu*k it off

— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) March 1, 2017

#10

7:02 pm: I'll probably have 1 or 2 beers

2:43am: [emailing the former CEO of radio shack] WHY THE FUCJ WERE U SELLING VCRS IN 2014

— Becks (@BecksWelker) November 21, 2015

#11

when characters in musicals transition from speaking to singing pic.twitter.com/YwZwsIZOBN

— chopped liva (@realchoppedliva) August 27, 2019

#12

lowkeyscum / Via twitter.com

#13

thebigkhalifa / Via twitter.com

#14

Let me get this straight. The guy was raised by animals in the jungle with no human contact whatsoever and he named himself George?

— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) September 29, 2015

#15

AnyaVolz / Via twitter.com

#16

love how during intense moments in space-themed movies they'll show the dashboard panels, as though you'll be like ah. ah i see the issue

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 11, 2014

#17

dating a skinny guy cool until you roll down the window on the freeway and he fly out like a mcdonald's napkin

—(@ambermariexoo) September 6, 2019

#18

Ethan_Booker / Via twitter.com

#19

Important video pic.twitter.com/zQ2BqmKqxn

— 5|-| 1 r T (@xbleachtemple) March 24, 2019

#20

carolaverygrant / Via twitter.com

#21

"Come along, Trash Spaceship," I say to my purse as we leave the house.

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 2, 2013

#22

annajames33 / Via twitter.com

#23

Top Movies Your Boyfriend Wants to Watch:
-An Idiot Saves the President
-Rich Boy Hero 4
-Silent Hero Journey Boy
-Fight Fight Fight
-Boats

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 23, 2015

#24

Hold my white claw dancing queen is on

— Jackson (@striiiiick) September 20, 2019

#25

CrapLocalNews / Via twitter.com

#26

DOG BOSS: Any messages for me?
DOG ASSISTANT: just one from Mr. Agoodboy
DOG BOSS: who’s Agoodboy?
DOG ASSISTANT: *tail starts wagging*

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 10, 2015

#27

cleaning out your fridge is such a humiliating experience. you bought these plums and you didn’t eat them in time. you absolute failure. you miserable piece of

— danny (@dsemumi) August 27, 2019

#28

lexstasy7 / Via twitter.com

#29

ievamikalauskas / Via twitter.com

#30

brodieguapo / Via twitter.com

#31

VLONESLORE / Via twitter.com

#32

*continues eating while receiving the Heimlich*

— Mark Magark (@markedly) June 24, 2016

#33

my friends supporting my bad driving pic.twitter.com/UuOKALs6Sa

— ¿alex? (@hoemoticon) August 18, 2019

#34

what’s the meanest thing a child has ever said to you? one time a kid told me that i looked like big bird after he got put in a microwave.

— jim, troublemaker/rapscallion etc. (@urvillageidiot) August 14, 2019

#35

When a zoo animal dies they always call it "beloved" or a "crowd favorite" like there's some animal named "Jimmy the zebra everyone hates"

— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) February 28, 2017

#36

me, who clearly doesn't know the lyrics to Footloose:

FOOTLOOSE
PET GOOSE
PICKED A FIGHT WITH A MOOSE

CHEESE
STIFF BREEZE
WATCH OUT, THERE ARE TEN BEES

— Pete Stewart(@Peter5tewart) September 16, 2018

#37

adult_mom / Via twitter.com

#38

When your drone runs out of battery over a lake, timing is everything… pic.twitter.com/btDekWXpoV

— Lewis Vaughan Jones (@LVaughanJones) August 10, 2019

#39

I was in a park and a lady loudly called out "Anyone who wants an ice cream come over here". I headed over with several others. She handed out ices to them all then asked me "Who are you?". I realised the rest were all her family. 30 years later I still cringe.

— Ayn Randy (@ItsAndyRyan) August 25, 2019

#40

when I get married each of my bridesmaids have to wear the outfit they were wearing when I saw them throw up for the first time

— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) July 28, 2019

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: elle91 / twitter.com