I really love myself sometimes.
'I hope you're staying positive and testing negative' is hilarious and also sad that a year ago this would have meant something totally different.
My brother is my 'everything' part of the family.
There was a hooter outside my window last night too.
And you wonder why I fu*ked ur cousin.
"You deserve two boyfriends."
Ikea = What.
It happens to all of us.
I don't know why but the chili one makes me crack up.
I would eat with the onion ring crab too.
Here are some of the best.
Here are some of the best. (so far)
"What's up baby non-binary adult?"
Featuring texts, emails, and Tinder messages.
"I saw the free dishwasher. I live in Smyrna. Got anything else to throw in to make it worth my time?"