Today was a weird one. Things kind of all hit me at once, at just how alone I am in my life. No one to genuinely talk to about things, even when times aren’t too bad.

I’m typically a stay at home person so I don’t have lots of friends to talk with or hang out with. Broke up with my SO of 20 months two days ago. I am incredibly sad right now. But I’m holding up.

Bored and lonely. I don’t really go out unless I have to. Going outside is pretty rare for me and I generally don’t have many hobbies because I don’t see the point. I don’t care about playing video games much anymore and sometimes I’ll busy my mind with TV, but generally speaking I’m just existing. Everyday is the same.

Most days I’m sad but it’s a boring kind of sad. Knowing that all of the thoughts you have in your head won’t ever be said out loud because you have no one that’ll listen can drive you a bit mad so I talked to myself in my car on the way to work (as I usually do) and then have plans to go home after and binge on Netflix. I live alone and my family lives in another state. I’m a 25yr old female. I’ve been living here for 3 years and never had a single friend. Not a single person I can call or text right now to make plans with or talk. It’s makes me sad to see young people my age out and having fun and living their lives on social media and often times I cry. I wonder if I’ll feel this way forever.

loving it actually, deleted social media, changed ph number and move into a new place, cut everyone off and i feel sooo fucking relaxed and happy, focusing on me and fu*k everyone else

Image Credit: hipwee.com

I used to be really sad but because it’s been so long since I’ve had actual friends it’s become a chore to become someone’s friend and I realised I’m actually more miserable when I have to make an effort to be a good friend to someone. Now I’m happy having no friends, I don’t have to worry about flaking out on people. However, I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years and he’s the only friend I need in my life.

You get used to it and the quiet becomes relaxing. However sometimes you get upset when you see people hanging out with their friends or partner because you want that interaction.

Sort of come to the realization that I may never have friends. I used to try and put myself out there but nobody really wanted to be more then acquaintances it seems. Doesn’t help that I am sort of an awkward and weird woman, when I even remotely open up a bit I immediately feel like my temperature spikes to an uncomfortable level and I spend the rest of the day cringing about what I said or didn’t say. Sucks a*s to say the least.