Donald Trump is inviting people to his upcoming inauguration… But many people can’t make it due to some hilarious reasons….

Can’t make it, but I will definitely tune in for the impeachment proceedings!
Will Gold

In addition to expressing my dog’s anal glands, I will be busy teaching my students the importance of adjective/adverb agreement so they will never use the phrase “very importantly.”
Cree Joyce

Nope!!! I’ll be busy watching A Meryl Streep movie that night.
Tarah Martin

Even free, the cost is too high. I need my soul.
Dana Murray

I wouldn’t want to take jobs from all the seat fillers you paid and I have a much larger event to attend the following day, perhaps you heard of the Women’s March.
Dc Cedar

PEEOTUS so desperate for people to attend this shitshow he’s resorting to groveling. SAD! I can’t attend. I’ll be rewatching the broadcast of President Obama’s inauguration to remind myself of the elegance, humility, humanity, and refinement that preceded this narcissistic ignoramus Russian puppet. #notmypresident
Stefania Pomponi

Sorry, I won’t be able to make it. I need to be well rested for this little march a few women friends of mine have the next day. Should be a good time. Maybe you will see us on the news. If so, make sure you tweet a sexist remark. Thanks.
Michelle Naylor-Fetty

So sorry my black family can’t make it… We would never make it out of my highly impoverished, crime filled neighborhood to try and catch the bus to get there.
Kunya Jones

Sorry, I’ve promised a friend to help muck out her stables. However, in honor of the occasion I’ll wear my highest rubber boots as the “s#%t” will flow nationally.
Susan Hastings

Can’t, will still be consoling the 89 year old man that was fired by email – you know, the one who announced the last 11 inaugurations. He is the one who just lost his wife.
Cas Emma

This has nothing to do with the fact that I did not vote for you. It has everything to do with the fact that you are complicit in an administration that plans to perpetuate an agenda that will diminish rights of women, immigrants, people of color, the disabled, the poor, children, LGBTQ, the media and people who think differently than you. You will unravel years of progress, and endanger the planet. I hope it’s hard for you to look in the mirror everyday, and if it’s not, then I’m doubly concerned. Respectfully decline your desperate invitation. Will be getting ready to attend our Woman’s March.
Mary Brogan

Nope sorry… I’ll be watching some civil rights documentaries with my 9 year old daughter… I would never expose her to a known sexual predator…
Tiffany Hizer

Did I just watch an infomercial for the “presidential inauguration?”
I’ll be busy fighting to get my rights and my healthcare back.
Stephanie Cox

Heard they raised $90 million for the inauguration festivities. Maybe if you gave me a million dollars to go….nah, just messing with you. Still wouldn’t go. I have to wash my hair that night. And the taste of this election out of my mouth.
Susan Stewart Eaton

Sorry I can’t attend. I volunteered to polish John Lewis’s Presidential Medal of Freedom while he’s out of town.
Kim Russo

I would like to go but I don’t speak Russian and I worry I wouldn’t understand what was going on. If I do decide to go, can you tell me what the weather is going to be like? Should I bring rain gear? Are showers expected? With you as our president I’m sure they’ll be golden!
Jennifer Storkamp Fortwengler

See, the way my patriotism is set up, won’t allow me to come out to support, witness, or otherwise take place in the shenanigans that resulted in this upcoming inauguration. I will, however, be at home trying to explain to my son who has autism why his country has a president who mocked a person’s disability. So, that should be fun.
Mickster Mickster

No. But I am very much looking forward to the rebroadcast at 11:30pm on Saturday Night.
Susan Getgood

Well, here is an idea that just popped into my head. We all go and line the parade route and turn our backs in complete silence.
Susan Loomer Tom

Unfortunately, I cannot make it. I’m driving a bus load of women to Planned Parenthood, organizing a gay pride parade, writing a sketch for SNL, lunching with Meryl Streep, and going to Costco to buy Kellyanne Conway a barrel of hair conditioner.
Thomas Iannone