#1

"Are we still on?" – An attempt to cancel

— Gladys Knife (@jewelnotjule) September 10, 2020

#2

I wish I could say “???????” In real life, it would be very useful

— Mika (@babyyymika) September 8, 2020

#3

I need everyone to understand that millennials don’t have printers at home. Please. I’m so tired of driving to print and scan documents.

— Annalisa Heppner (@Northernsirena) September 11, 2020

#4

imagine your card declines at the waxing center and they glue your coochie hair back onto u

— rain (@INTERNETFAIRY) September 9, 2020

#5

I was preparing to work out for the first time in a month and pulled a muscle trying to squeeze into my yoga pants. So that's that.

— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) September 5, 2020

#6

a short story of how my night went pic.twitter.com/Ihv7ybxEcM

— Mira (@awkwvrdd) September 8, 2020

#7

Can’t believe my mom was a teen mom (27)

— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) September 7, 2020

#8

pic.twitter.com/v991mGGcOS

— yvette nicole brown (@YNB) September 8, 2020

#9

i don't know if yall feel me but.. september, october, november is the LMNOP of the year

— bby noun (@shutupaida) September 8, 2020

#10

my grandpa is unhinged pic.twitter.com/8RwoJAbJrR

— oreagano (@raygunpew) September 5, 2020

raygunpew / Via twitter.com

#11

Person: *asks a simple question*

Me, oversharing: pic.twitter.com/AMhefYJmcB

— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) September 6, 2020

#12

I asked this dude if he needed “help” in the shower and he said “no I’ve been doing it since I was little” and went and showered by himself

— carol (@venmo4feet) September 11, 2020

#13

Me writing about men like bad male authors write about women

‘He charged into the room, pert testicles bouncing gaily. I saw a scar & wondered if he’d had a vasectomy. He opened his plump lips, full of promise but annoying words came out…something about a football match’

— Tiffany Stevenson (@tiffstevenson) September 4, 2020

#14

what if we kissed…. in the goth-o-lantern bucket……haha just kidding…… unless? pic.twitter.com/N1jRGFulAB

— garbage sprite (@bunnie_blood) September 11, 2020

#15

Been laughing at this for 20 minutes pic.twitter.com/EcdQgzplNL

— not a boy. (@BowNoTie) September 10, 2020

BowNoTie / Via twitter.com

#16

Thanks amazon for hiding my parcel pic.twitter.com/7NpNJ3J9pU

— Danielle McPherson (@__danielleeex) September 9, 2020

#17

Twilight (2008) pic.twitter.com/Z9J7Vegt8L

— a lice (@_alicejay) September 6, 2020

#18

i sit with my daughter while she falls asleep and i always whisper “i love you” in her ear as soon as she falls asleep& she says “i love you too” well tonight we had a little argument before she fell asleep i still whispered “i love you” & all she whispered back was “good” LMFAO

— CeciATL (@CeciATL) September 10, 2020

#19

“does your person have a mustache?” pic.twitter.com/WlAtR0B7Vb

— Lana Berry (@Lana) September 9, 2020

Preview photo credit: babyyymika / twitter.com