I met a girl for a blind date once. She didn’t say a single word throughout dinner, finished her meal and walked out. I then checked my phone and there was a msg from the girl saying she couldn’t make it tonight… Who the hell did I eat with!?

In college, a friend set me up on a blind date. I wasn’t in a great mood because I had received a traffic ticket a few hours before. My day got worse when my blind date turned out to be the cop who gave me the ticket.

I went to a fancy restaurant thinking I was looking quite cute. When I introduced myself at the bar, my date said, “I thought you’d be thinner.” I grabbed his drink, poured it in his lap, said, “I thought you’d be smarter.” I left and ate pizza that night.

On our first date, my husband choked on an omelet and blew an onion out of his nose. I married him anyway.

He took me to a restaurant and went to the bathroom a lot and stepped out often to take calls. I thought it was weird, and then the waiter said “you know he’s at another table with a blonde woman right?”. he had 2 first dates at once.

He brought his parents(he was 25)!! If that’s not bad enough half way through he meal his mom asked me if I was going to finish mine, while taking tinfoil out of her bag to wrap up my food, for her to take home!

He picked me up to go see a movie.
I picked the movie.
We arrived and he found out it was rated R.
He freaked and told me he had to call his Mom to get permission to watch it.
He did.
She said no.
Date ended.
We were both 21.

I was really into this guy but i was so nervous, well this is our first conversation:
Guy: you smell good
Me: thanks I use both of my nostrils

We stopped by his family’s barbecue on the way to our date and found out we were third cousins.

The waiter came over and looked confused. He turned to my date and asked “when did you stop being gay? We had a date last night.”

In college got invited to a girls house for a “home cooked” meal. Recipe called for 2 cloves of garlic, she used 2 HEADS of garlic… sweated out garlic for a month… all’s well that ends well… married almost 30 years… still can’t cook though!

I had just been diagnosed with an ulcer and was put on medicine to clear my stomach. Farted and burped the whole time. I was so embarrassed. He still married me.

When a guy who I just started seeing and was a funeral director, picked me up with a body in the back of the car and said “we just need to make a quick stop at my office.”

My date let me out of the car to wait on the curb while he parallel parked. After 3 failed attempts he drove off. I walked home.

well yes I have… & didn’t even know it was a date. The plan was going to Vikings game (I thought it was with more ppl but no) so with paint on my face in a Viks Jersey he sends the meeting location: I walk a 5 star candle lit restaurant he’s formally dressed

As a senior in college, I asked a cute girl out. Halfway through the date, she told me that she was seriously thinking of becoming a nun after graduation in a few weeks. By the end of the date, she told me I helped her decide to take the plunge.

spilled soda on my crotch while pulling into her driveway. My first words when she answered the door were, “it’s not pee.”

I met a guy online & we saw a movie on our first date. At the end of the night when acting like he was going in for a kiss he put his whole mouth over my nose & blew into it- laughing he says he does this to his dogs and calls it a “puppy trumpet”

On a first date, the guy asked me to smell his food because he though it might be bad, then pushed my face in it.
One and done.

My first date, and my first time at a sushi place, I decided to order thirteen rolls… I thought rolls meant individual pieces of sushi. Let’s just say I was embarrassed when we had to have two tables pushed together just to hold them all.