Yesterday morning after his soccer game, my 6 year old asked me how come the other team gets to change the color of their jerseys every week, while we always had to wear purple. when i explained that, in fact, we were playing against different teams each week, his mind was blown.
DanielGAlarcon / Via twitter.com

My son sent a letter to Santa. I hope it gets there. It doesn’t have any postage on it and he put it in the bathroom heater vent.
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Audrey (4yo): Daddy, let’s make the same face at the same time!
Me: OK!
*we make the same face*
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Just seen a little girl confidently walk up to a bath bomb in lush and take a bite out of it, kids are class
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Almost 2yr old for sale. Been crying for 10 mins cuz he cant get in the oven with the cornbread. Entertaining all offers.
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*Opens bottle of bleach*
Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn’t open.
Me : Oh it’s coz it has a child safety lock. Children can’t open it.
*nephew looks at bottle in amazement*
Nephew : How did it know I was a child?
azedi / Via twitter.com

I just remembered that when i got my first dog i was 7 and he was 1 (7 in dog years) and i cried when he turned 2 because i didnt think a 14 year old dog would wanna hangout with me.
Trev97 / Via twitter.com

My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air….they are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning….
Knowbuntu / Via twitter.com

Lions can hunt and kill their own food by the time they’re 3 months old.
My 3-year-old couldn’t find her lunch box, and it was in her other hand.
I can’t believe we’re at the top of the food chain.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches
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Oh good. My son put my wireless headphones in a plastic container of water to keep them safe. good good good good good good good good good good great fine how wonderful
PhillyD / Via twitter.com


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Today we asked my three year old cousin how much he weighs and he said, “uhhh, like fifty squirrels”
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My niece asked me one day why i always wear the same tattoos like LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Little boy standing next to me in blue shorts: “hey, my names Titus too”
Jake_5_Bayless / Via twitter.com

I generally think of myself as an okay father but somehow I forgot to teach my two year old son what an owl was and he thought it was called a wood penguin
crookedroads770 / Via twitter.com

When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.
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Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: Jake_5_Bayless / twitter.com