1.
[normal life]
ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week
[packing for vacation]
hmmm. i’ll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts
@jonnysun
2.
Why did my momma make me think it was illegal to turn a light on in a car while you were driving throughout my whole childhood
@highasfuckk_
3.
1. Type password.
2. See PASSWORD INCORRECT
3. Type exact same thing but harder and louder.
@AbbyHasIssues
4.
gently touching your friends hand bc you’ve spotted someone acting like an asshole & you want to talk about it later
@Kristen_Arnett
5.
You’re never too old to say “horses” when you drive past some horses
@mattslusser
6.
Have u ever tried to rush outa bed go toilet quickly and rush back to bed before u lose any ‘tired’
@MythManny
7.
[discovers something online] Wow, amazing!!!
[two minutes later, seeing someone else discover same thing] yeah, no shit
@ariscott
8.
When you’re waiting on a takeaway delivery you can hear every car door shutting in a 5 mile radius
Benoo_Brown
9.
Every voicemail I leave sounds like English is my second language.
@SCbchbum
10.
Ur weird if ur on holiday n u don’t go up to ur hotel room and lay on the bed naked eatin Lays
@jon_niblett
11.
i only ask people to hang out when i know they already have plans
@sosadtoday
12.
*drinks 1 bottle of water*
man i am so good at taking care of myself i mean wow
hellolanemoore
13.
that sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside… that’s the sound of somebody else problem
@kinggvaris
14.
Who the fuck is this asshole?
Me- every time someone drives down my street.
@MelissaJoy33
15.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
@DamienFahey
16.
You think you’re pretty okay at doing stuff, and then you try to plug something into an outlet you’re not looking directly at.
@lanyardigan
17.
Actual photo of me connecting specific childhood memories as the source of personal toxic behaviors/mindsets as an adult
@kaitilopez
18.
If you sleep till noon you only have to pay for 2 meals instead of 3
@HarrisColten
19.
My only goal when getting ready to go out in public is to make sure a teenager doesn’t take a discreet picture of my outfit and meme me
@Mr_Kapowski
20.
Me sober: no politics tonight. Nobody changes their mindset anyway ya know?
Me after 6 beers: hey Andrew why do you fuckin hate poor peoeple
@_yeatez
21.
Shout out to all the mini panic attacks i have trying to put the change I get back into my wallet before it’s the next guys turn in line
@wayansjr
22.
Are we all ready to admit that “don’t tell ANYONE” means you can tell exactly one person
@BisHilarious
23.
*video doesn’t load within 2 seconds* well i guess i’ll never know
@tbhjuststop