My first kiss was when I was 2.

Mass panic...

ME: *finger in mouth* mmm you like that? DENTIST: stop it

I can't believe Game of Thrones took the time to make fun of man buns.

I like telling this story because no one ever believes it.

I'm not ready for the eclipse...I haven't even seen New Moon!

Here are some of the best.

I was recently in New York for work and decided it was the right time and the right place to take me out on a whole day date.

You were never ugly, you were poor.

cries in insufficient bank funds

Snape kills Littlefinger.

"Boys are temporary but pizza is for life" - every Forever 21 shirt, probably.

This shit is like Suicide Squad except it's gonna actually be good."

Why on earth would any man ever see me without clothes?

Do I look like I know what a JPEG is?

For when you need a wholesome pick-me-up.