New Mom: I bought my kids’ Halloween costumes back in August!
Me: That’s cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can’t change their minds 800 times.
sarcasticmommy4 / Via twitter.com

Halloween is the best because it’s the one day my kids go around demanding snacks from everyone else.
copymama / Via twitter.com

5-year-old: Do I scare you?
Me: Of course
5: Because it’s almost Halloween?
Me: Because you’re my kid.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

You’d think my kids would behave knowing that Halloween is coming up and I can charge an a*shole tax in the form of chocolate peanut butter cups.
HousewifePlus / Via twitter.com

Me: What do you need to watch out for while trick-or-treating?
Kids: Cars
Me: And…
Kids: Wine moms
mommajessiec / Via twitter.com

A real haunted house would have a bunch of kids following you around asking random questions and then asking why? right after you answer it, and toddlers randomly throwing tantrums.
BunAndLeggings / Via twitter.com

8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year!
Me: Cool, what color?
8yo: Orange!
Me: *pours drink* Let’s do it
FatherWithTwins / Via twitter.com

My kid wants $20 to go through a corn maze with his friends, which is $20 more than I normally pay to walk through vegetables.
Cheeseboy22 / Via twitter.com

Wife: how do we explain Halloween to the kids?
Me: they put on a mask and ask strangers for candy.
Wife: but we said NEVER accept candy from strangers.
Me: we’ll tell them one day a year it’s ok.
Me: it’s like the Purge but for Children.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

I told my kids that everyone is celebrating Mother’s Day on Halloween so they’re planning to give me first pick of all the candy as a present. Happy Mother’s Day Witches.
MaryJustice86 / Via twitter.com

I was going to wear a scary costume to take the kids trick or treating, then realized going as a mom with 6 kids is terrifying enough.
Six_Pack_Mom / Via twitter.com

You think you’re going to be this Mary Poppins type mom and before you know it you’re threatening to cancel Halloween in the middle of the grocery store.
Swishergirl24 / Via twitter.com

Funny how everyone at my son’s school is commenting on my zombie costume when this is just what I look like now.
mommy_cusses / Via twitter.com

9: Daddy, tell me a scary story.
*takes off my shirt and holds up a picture from when I was 20 beside me for comparison
9: Dear God…
drinksmcgee / Via twitter.com

My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she’s going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
simoncholland / Via twitter.com

Just caught my kids eating our Halloween candy. An hour later my husband caught my kids and me eating our Halloween candy.
Lhlodder / Via twitter.com

My mother goes as a broken record every year for Halloween, which is just her following behind me, telling me what a terrible parent I am.
MissHavisham / Via twitter.com

Me: What do you say when you hold up your bag?
3-year-old: Treat or treat.
Me: TRICK or treat.
3: I want two treats.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

The only truly scary thing about Halloween is keeping your kids up past bedtime on a school night and giving them extra sugar.
saltymermaident / Via twitter.com

As my son picked through his Halloween candy, he asked, “When can we go get a Christmas tree?”
Have kids. It’s fun.
sarcasticmommy4 / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: Lhlodder / twitter.com