#1

Really good football today so my husband is bringing in tvs from every room and putting them all over our den so now my house looks like a Buffalo Wild Wings.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 26, 2020

#2

Behind every good woman is her spouse who never smiles right in a couples selfie.

— (@skedaddle74) November 17, 2020

#3

Husband, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”
Me, “A bottle of champagne.”
Husband, “Oh, I got you one yesterday.”
Me, “I said what I said.”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 5, 2020

#4

Husband: Let’s do something different & fun!

Me: *leaves him with the arguing kids while I go shopping*

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 25, 2020

#5

If my husband snores in a forest, yes I can still hear him from here because it's THAT DAMN LOUD

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 17, 2020

#6

If you walk in on your wife binge-eating brie over the sink, it’s probably in your best interest to pretend you don’t see her.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 13, 2020

#7

husband: you’re so sweaty. did you work out?

me: [just ate half a block of cheese] yes

— Lil Bit of Holiday Cheer (@LizerReal) November 2, 2020

#8

I just heard my husband yell
“protect me squire” at his game so I’m pretty sure he’s never getting laid again

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 13, 2020

#9

When I feel like my husband seems to relaxed, I’ll just start a sentence with “y’know, I’ve been thinking…”

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 27, 2020

#10

Pro-tip: If your wife says her clothes aren’t fitting her because they shrunk in the dryer, you agree with her. Immediately.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 4, 2020

#11

My husband pissed me off so I took photos of me using his tools improperly and sent them throughout the day while he was at work as payback

— Maryfairyboberry (@maryfairybobrry) November 15, 2020

#12

Husband: are you mad

Me: no I’m fine

!⃝ This claim is disputed

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) November 17, 2020

#13

I like being married because I can say things like “jeez I am so damn gassy today” and still end up getting laid later.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 5, 2020

#14

Husbands be like, “I’m gonna nap in this room that everyone uses and then act grumpy when everyone uses it.”

— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 30, 2020

#15

I did an impersonation of my husband and we laughed and laughed and then he did an impersonation of me and we laughed and laughed and he slept on the couch.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 9, 2020

#16

You can't hurt me. You're not a picture of me that my husband took.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 10, 2020

#17

The only time I complain about my husband being on his phone is when I’m not on mine.

— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 2, 2020

#18

My phone: 58%.
My husband’s phone: 7%.
Me: Honey, I need your charger.

— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 29, 2020

#19

True love is sending your spouse memes to look at while they’re pooping.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 11, 2020

#20

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

— Lil Bit of Holiday Cheer (@LizerReal) October 16, 2020

Preview photo credit: pro_worrier_ / twitter.com