1.
I asked my dad if I looked fat in my bathing suit at the beach and he said “keep drinking and you won’t care.”
@lilhannahs
2.
As teen, shouted at Dad: it’s not your job to embarrass me! He replied “I know.” Then smiled n said “it’s one of the perks”
@susy_faus
3.
My sister once asked my dad what he thought of her dating someone named Hansel, all he said back was “I bet you’d reGRETEL that”
@haythax7
4.
Once my dad came to my band show & didn’t take any pictures. I asked him why & he said “Nobody wants to remember this”.
@kingedhill
5.
On my first driving lesson, we passed the cemetery and my dad said, “Buckle up – that’s where the bad drivers go.”
@tpatt356
6.
When I was older, my Dad admitted that he always threw the baseball right at my head. “You learned how to catch pretty quick!”
@craigbackus
7.
“When you start a new job, don’t talk a lot. This way they won’t know how dumb you are.” I said,”Thanks, dad!” Guess he was right.
@laurenCoreFit
8.
“At the airport my dad said, “Put one shoe in each suitcase so if it gets stolen they can’t wear your shoes.”
@lauradarzaaa
9.
My dad adamantly stated “Essential oils are used to fry onions rings, wings, or french fries. All other oils are NOT essential.”
@katiekesler15
10.
It was you or another cat. Make sure I don’t regret this….
*my husband speaking to our son when he was born
@MrsDuffeyTeach
11.
“The grass may be greener on the other side, but it sure took a whole lot of manure to get it that way.”
@JHBeezy
12.
Once my dad went to the grocery store n the cashier asked “if u want the milk in the bag” he said, “just leave it in the carton”
@MarcosAmparo3
13.
“What do you do when a stranger gives you drugs? Say ‘thank you’ because drugs are expensive.”
@paigeleilani
14.
After the first time I got drunk my dad told me to be careful. He said “alcoholism doesn’t run in the family, it gallops.
@mikeruss39
15.
While on a road trip, a big bug splattered all over windshield. Dad said “he won’t have the guts to do that again”.
@SusanStone12
16.
My face got really sunburned and when I said “my face hurts” my dad without missing a beat said “not as bad as it’s hurting me”
@trace3304
17.
My dad looked in the mirror, turned to me and casually said “it’s hard to improve on perfection”
@karee_jo
18.
Always got the same answer:
Me – Hey Dad, do you know what?
Dad – hmmm, does what know me?
@pjlovescountry
19.
Every time someone asks my dad “how are you?”, he ALWAYS responds with “the voices tell me I’m good today”.
@OliBob_1029
20.
We asked my dad why he still had a really old cologne bottle & he said “I only used it 4 times.” There’s 4 kids in our family.
@lexywhite_2525