#1

her: my fantasy is eating whipped cream off each other, what’s yours

JRR Tolkien: *big breath in*

— Christopher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) September 17, 2019

#2

harry potter: i’m depressed

dumbledore: your parents died when you were a baby, cedric and your godfather were killed in front of you, a homicidal maniac is trying to kill you. i get it

harry: yeah

dumbledore: so i need you to go on a deadly quest to find some soul trinkets

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) September 15, 2019

#3

fall is almost here and if you think I’m gonna be wearing sweaters and sipping cocoa and digging up bones and dancing with pumpkins and accidentally resurrecting a trio of old witches you’re completely right.

— the library haunter(@SketchesbyBoze) September 2, 2019

#4

Ladies, if he:

- ignores text messages
- likes when his sister plays piano
- can’t provide for his family
- enjoys moldy food
- wakes up one day realizing he’s a gigantic insect

He's not your man. He's Gregor Samsa from Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis.

— ines helene (@inihelene) November 29, 2018

#5

SparkNotes / Via twitter.com

#6

Tolkien: *spends 40 years developing a 6000 year span of histories, cultures, and cosmologies for multiple races and civilizations, including full linguistic systems, in service of his fantasy epic*

also Tolkien: the tree’s name is..treebeard

— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) September 5, 2019

#7

harry potter if he was a vlogger

1. i killed my professor
2. HOW TO SURVIVE A BASILISK ATTACK (w/ tips)
3. my stalker tried to kill me
4. i saw my crush’s boyfriend die?
5. O.W.L.S vlog (gone wrong!)
6. girlfriend tag! (ft. ginny weasley)
7. I DIED + CAME BACK (not clickbait)

— abby (@abbyraejepsen) July 14, 2019

#8

no one:
lady macbeth:

pic.twitter.com/uFCeVMaVLI

— jaboukie? (@jaboukie) July 31, 2019

#9

5-year-old: *slides a curly fry on her finger like a ring*

Me: Are you married?

5: I'm Frodo.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 10, 2017

#10

No offense but I was raised to “take care” of my husband. Wash his clothes, clean the house, construct fake diaries insinuating he wanted to hurt me, elaborately fake my own death and frame him for murder

— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) June 13, 2019

#11

livestrongfree, PopCrave / Via twitter.com

#12

A single man in possession of a good fortune must, and I cannot stress this enough, be in want of a wife.

— Diya Mishra (@thedimishra) September 6, 2019

#13

My sister talks a lot of smack to me for someone who used to kiss her cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen every night in 2009 lmaoooo I AIN’T FORGET

— Luc (@ellkay_) November 16, 2018

#14

SparkNotes / Via twitter.com

#15

me: i hate clichés

author: they have to stay in a hotel and there’s only one room with one bed left and they have to share the bed and-

me: *giddy with glee* omg they have to stay in a hotel and there’s only ONE ROOM with ONE BED left and they have to SHARE THE BED AND-

— Jenna Guillaume (@JennaGuillaume) July 31, 2019

#16

Mercutio, dying, yelling at both Tybalt and Romeo: Both your houses are fu*king canceled

— Fae Brown (@99Febro) February 2, 2019

#17

you ever feel the wind blowing through your hair and suddenly you're walking along the ramparts of a tall castle? your brothers told you ladies can’t fight but you can wield a sword better than any of them.

— the library haunter(@SketchesbyBoze) May 9, 2019

#18

KyEggPlantEmoji / Via twitter.com

#19

About once ever six months, I remember how in Twilight, the girl thinks her boyfriend might be a vampire and so then she does a google image search for "vampire"

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) June 22, 2019

#20

At the bookstore:

Me: "Do yall have any books on turtles"

Cashier: "Hard back?"

Me: "Yeah, with little heads"

— wHyZgUy (@_WhyzGuy_) March 28, 2019

#21

SparkNotes / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: livestrongfree, PopCrave / twitter.com