My friends set me up with this super hot guy. He arrived at my house and immediately hit it off with my gay brother.

He leaned across me in the car to throw away a cup and his sweater got caught in my braces. He’s now my husband

My friend decided to set me up on a blind date with one of his girlfriends friends. The girl she brought was my cousin…

I went to dinner with a girl, and she decided to take the leftovers home to her boyfriend.

Met the guy on tinder, ubered to the date to meet a “business professional”. Met the guy at the bar, it was my uber driver.

First date- guy said Jesus spoke to him and told him I was the one. I went to the bathroom and never returned

Halfway through the meal he pulled out a small screwdriver and started cleaning his ears with it.

At dinner with a guy. His phone rings, he answers it, and I hear him say “hey babe I’m just running late…”

W/ vegetarian, we both ordered lasagna: mine w/ meat, hers w/out. Waiter switched them. She stood up, yelled “I HAVE COW IN ME”

I thought it was going to be a silent fart and it came out louder than an air horn. I never heard from her again

I sat down and talked to this girl for about an hr before I found out that my blind date was at a different table.

My date stole my calamari to give to his mom and grabbed my left boob and whispered “boob” as he got out of my car

My worse date ended with me leaving a grown man neighing and prancing on all fours around me in a horse pasture. There. I said it. Top that.

On our 1st date he took me out for coffee where we “coincidentally” ran into his mom, so we all hung out. I was mombushed

We were casually at Subway. I went to discreetly burp and accidentally threw up instead. I wish I was joking.

He asked me when and how I broke my nose. I didn’t.

I went on a date, he took me to Wendy’s and said, “Only order from the dollar menu.”

My worst date was showing me his place.Opened a closet of women’s clothes & said “She’s moving out at the end of the month.”

Gave our waitress all the money in my wallet to seem like a bigshot. she stopped me at the door and said “you still owe me $7″

I had someone live tweet my entire date with them and ask for Twitter’s opinion on how things were going my worst date