Pets are so weird like it’s just this little individual that lives in your gaff and you can’t speak to each other but you’re just best mates

Why dae pot noodles have instructions? If ye canny figure out how tae pour hot water intae a container then ye shouldny be allowed a kettle

its mad to think that if you buy a triple sandwich at Tesco, someone else is eating the other half of the same sandwich

I’m off to bed


mental tae hink that you nd a pal ae urs won’t be able to go to each others funeral, blew ma mind

Why do we say Sean like shon but we dinny say bean like bon

imagine if toast was a4 size

How sad is it that one day was the last time you went out to play with ur pals n you never even realised it

Mad how yie get 6 points and a £200fine for being on yer phone yet there’s folk oot there way eyelashes on there motor n getting away wae it

See how we’ve got wallpaper of New York and that in rooms, Ye hink Americans have wallpaper wae flats in the gorbals or suhin

sunday thoughts

Fucking weird that if you wanna get to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping

Ave just been informed if ye say “Space Ghetto” in an American accent it sounds like “Spice Girl” in a Scottish accent and a canny stop

no hink it’s heavy weird u blow on yer hands tae keep them warm but blow on yer tea tae to cool it down? aye well a find it weird anyway

Wee bro just suggested they make Chinese menus like Avon books so u rub ur wrist on a page n smell wit u wanty eat. Tht wean is the future x

19 year on this planet n av just realised sweatbands on folks wrists are for wiping the sweat on their forehead n not wrist sweat

Why does yer mirror, front camera, back camera make ye look so different in every wan??? Wit wan is the real me

Clowns are just goths on eccies

honestly last night someone asked me if crabs think we walk sideways n a havent stopped thinkin about it since