[God creating spiders]
“Make it have 8 legs”
Seems excessive but ok
“And 8 eyes”
You need to calm down a li-
“Give it a butt rope”
matt___nelson / Via twitter.com

God: you can repeat everything you hear.
Parrot: humans are the worst and I’m probably gonna kill them in a flood soon.
God: what’s it gonna take to keep this quiet?
Parrot: I wanna live in a Tropical Paradise.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

[God creating the ocean]
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
themiltron / Via twitter.com

GOD: 8
GOD: We shouldn’t do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
GOD: 15!!
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
GOD: 30!!
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
ArfMeasures / Via twitter.com

Corgi: why are my legs so short?
God: that’s just what legs look like.
Corgi: oh cool.
[giraffe walks by]
God: you weren’t supposed to see that.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I’ve made
ANGELS: [confused applause]
woodmuffin / Via twitter.com

adam: [naming the birds] t*ts
god: lol ok but let’s take this a little more seriously
adam: blue-footed boobies
god: you can’t name all the birds after bo*bs
adam: [pointing to rooster] cock
Shen_the_Bird / Via twitter.com

God: what are they doing down there?
Angel: they are making milk from almonds
God: what?! I gave them, like, 8 animals to get milk from
A: they dont like that milk
God: [mockingly] tHey DonT LiKe THat miLk *flips a table*
thedad / Via twitter.com

god: okay tiny animals youre ready to be in the world!!!
ants: yipee!! yay!!!
god: okay lets make the anteater now
ants: the what
diet-tampon / Via tumblr.com

God: you can breathe underwater!
Fish: nice.
God: also eat and drink underwater.
Fish: so where do I go to the bathroom?
Fish: just on the land or something?
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

Swordfish: my nose looks ridiculous.
God: at least you have a cool name.
Swordfish: so?
God: I could have made you look ridiculous AND have a dumb name.
Swordfish: but why would you do that to someone?
Hammerhead Shark: yes God why would you do that to someone?
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

[god creating bees]
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
themiltron / Via twitter.com

GOD: there, my first animal :)
SNAKE:youre not done right? How am I supposed to move?
G:like this*shimmies*
G:just kinda*shimmies*
thetits / Via twitter.com

[God making coconuts]
ANGEL: Hair on the outside?
GOD: Yes
ANGEL: Milk on the inside?
GOD: Yes
ANGEL: So, this is another mammal?
GOD: [taking bong rip] lmao, no
roxiqt / Via twitter.com

[Biblical Times]
God: oh sh*t
Angel: what?
God: I just realized I’ve been leaning on the frog button
roboticcrab / Via twitter.com

[god creating seahorses]
angel: any more ideas for animals?
god: ok, what if tiny saxophones could swim
PaperWash / Via twitter.com

Mammoth: [slides $20 across the table] I need you to take out the Dinosaurs.
God: [pocketing money] how do you want it done?
Mammoth: make it look like an accident.
God: I’ll hit em with a rock.
Mammoth: what? no I said an accident.
God: a big ole space rock.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

God: you’re gonna be beautiful your whole life.
Butterfly: yeah I better be.
God: [to Angel] I don’t like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

Octopus: I’m just saying eight legs is too many legs, I look ridiculous.
God: oh. ok. hey snake?
Snake: what’s up?
God: octopus, tell snake what you told me.
NewDadNotes / Via twitter.com

[god creating mushrooms]
god: some go on pizzas
angel: ooo tasty
god: some make you trip balls
angel: um
god: and some just fu*king kill you
angel: you ok buddy?
Skoogeth / Via twitter.com

Via boredpanda, Preview photo credit: universe-of-smash-bros-lawl.fandom.com, matt___nelson / twitter.com