1. Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don’t like them @AmberTozer

2.
COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test
ME: ok
COP: lets get taco bell
ME: no
COP: text ur ex
ME: no
COP: ok ur good @bobvulfov

3.
Lawyer: did your boyfriend commit the crime?
Girlfriend: honey he can’t even commit to this relationship
Entire jury: OH SNAP @pleatedjeans

4. WHO IS MY EX-GIRLFRIEND @chetporter

5.
Very normal stages of anger:
1) kinda upset
2) crying
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show @TribalSpaceCat

6. I tried to swipe a crumb off my phone and accidentally liked all 240 pictures of my ex girlfriend’s trip to Maui with Roger @vineyille

7. Guy: I think we should see other people. Me: *claps along to mariachi band standing next to table* haha what @thejessbess

8. Repeatedly unfollowing and refollowing my ex in Morse code that spells out “I still have your Gilmore Girls DVDs” @iamchrisscott

9. WTF MY EX CAN FLY? @CommonBlackGirI

10. Me trying to get over a breakup @evepeyser

11.
HOW TO RESPECTFULLY BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE:
-do it in person
-be honest
-do less karate
-why are u doing so much karate during this
-stop it @bobvulfov

12. Your ex is posting passive-aggressive spiritual memes again @charstarlene

13. when ur drunk and ur ex texts you “hey” @dubstep4dads

14.
the stages of a breakup:
1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. taking pictures of everything you do to make sure people know you’re having fun @thomas_violence

15. When you & bae break up @chanelpuke

16.
Do u hear that music?
“ugh its my crazy ex again”
How can you tell?
[i come whipping around the corner in an ice cream truck] FUCK YOU GREG @madeleinesweet

17. when your ex hits you up @TheFunnyTina

18.
EX: WHAT HAPPENED TO US? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAGIC IN OUR RELATIONSHIP?
ME:

19. Sorry I broke up with you by saying “have a great summer” @Sassafrantz

20. If we date and I hear you cheat on me @CommonBlackGirI