#1 We all have this colleague who, we hope, quits his job so everyone in the office is happy. If you don’t know any such person, quit your job. -AskThePankazzzz

#2 How to be a grown up at work:Replace “Fuck you” with “Ok, great” -pinupteacher

#3 I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them. -Ndeshi_M

#4 Don’t you just hate it when you arrive at work and realise you’ve forgotten to bring your will to live? -Fickle_Filly

#5 Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home? Me: I don’t even think about work at work. -XplodingUnicorn

[break room]
coworker: what’s for lunch?
me: [eating] food, generally
cw: no, I mean what are you having?
me: an unwanted conversation

#7 Adorable idea. Colleagues have been writing names on their food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yoghurt called Debbie -FussySaffa

#8 You can sit idle for days in your office but the moment you ask for a half day leave you become the strategically most important employee. -Alllahdin

#9 A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I’ve been referring to the office as “ruthless” since then. People are pissed. -gerryhallcomedy

#10 Recruiter (calling me at work): Are you able to talk? Me: Since the age of two. -KentWGraham

- Yay I get to work from home
- It would be nice to talk to people
- I hope that pigeon sits in the window today

#12 we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote “please take me with you” in it -glenna_opt

[walks up to coworker's desk]
I know I don’t say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids.

#14 “I want to hate my life in a different building” – person looking for a new job -InternetHippo

#15 Please ignore this tweet, I’m pretending to be adding a coworker’s phone number. -MissMalbec

#16 Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can’t fire you if they can’t find you. -K_blue

#17 How my appraisal went this year. -intrinsiclutter

#18 my boss: [whispering into my coffin] “you haven’t submitted your timesheet” -KeetPotato

#19 Boss: This is the third time you’ve been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?
Me: That it’s only Wednesday

#20 Trying to use the office microwave for lunch anytime around noon is like the hunger games -thatprairiegirl

via boredpanda