At any given time, approximately 4% of women in the United States are pregnant.
Three trimesters worth of real.
"When my 10-year-old asks for something and I just give a huge sigh, she says, 'Yay!' because she knows she's already won."
Motherhood is going just about as good as expected.
"My ni*ples are so angry."
They can burst into tears or throat punch you at any given moment.
They have more creativity in their pinkies than you do in your whole body.
Me: Do that thing I like. Husband: [takes the kids and leaves]
No one told me I would be coming home in diapers too.
Husband: "Why are you so tired?" Me: "Because I'm assembling a person and there are a lot of little pieces!"
I spent ten minutes trying to figure out why my Target card wouldn't work at Walmart.
Poop, sweat, and tears.
If you are wondering how pregnant I am, I'm 7 different kinds of ice cream in the freezer pregnant.
"I have some in my purse." — Moms about everything, ever.
Sometimes you just gotta "call in pregnant."
Pregnancy isn't a joke.